I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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