My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
