I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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