Already got asked if we're dating
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
