i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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