How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize