yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
