Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
