you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
