Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
