Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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