if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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