You don't have asthma, your pregnant
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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