my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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