p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
