am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
