You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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