We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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