Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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