your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
