The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize