I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I believe in your delicious
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
