I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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