Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
