Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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