he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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