I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
