Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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