you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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