Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He felt like a one man threesome
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
