Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
