Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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