I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
