He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
