I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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