I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
