For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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