Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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