Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
