Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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