just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
