fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
