is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think my moral compass just broke
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