I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
