I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There are leaves in my underwear?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
