My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
