what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
