And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
