The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
