I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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