i think my tv is drunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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