im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
