Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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