I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
