He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
