8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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