EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
try to milk me bitch
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
