It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
