Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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