Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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