you guys were way drunker than both of me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
