Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
