theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's shark week go big or go home
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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