I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
