you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just forgot I was standing up.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
