Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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