he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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