It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
