sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
