Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
