Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
