Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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