I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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