please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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