I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
