u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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