I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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