Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
