id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize