They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
