Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
