Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize