how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
