When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
