I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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