Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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