I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So squirting runs in the family.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
