She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
