I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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