I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
