I smell stomach acid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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